Herman the Hairy, Scary Monster
by Kathy Warnes
SUSAN
First grade is going to be harder than kindergarten. We have to learn how to spell and read.
TONYA
What do we have to spell?
SUSAN
Cat and dog and tree and house
TONYA
Look and see and man and mouse.
SUSAN
Lots of spelling words.
TONYA
We won’t have time to play with Herman any more.
SUSAN
Or pretend we’re afraid of him.
TONYA
He should be coming right now to scare us.
SUSAN
Herman, where are you?
(Herman the Scary monster jumps out and hollers boo. He is dressed like a scary monster.)
SUSAN
Ohhhhh, it’s Herman the scary monster. I’m scared! (She hides behind Tonya.)
HERMAN
Boo! (He stands in front of Tonya and jumps up and down, acting scary.)
TONYA
Go away, Herman! I don’t have time to be scared. I have to go home and study my spelling words. (Herman stops jumping and scratches his head)
HERMAN
Huh? What are spelling words?
SUSAN
Words like cat and rat and cold and hot.
TONYA
We have to learn how to spell them by tomorrow, Herman, so we don’t have time to be scared.
SUSAN
Sorry, Herman. (They turn and walk away, leaving Herman standing there scratching his head.)
HERMAN
Huh? Can’t play? Oh, boo, hoo, hoo, please come back and play with me. (He watches them go, crying.)
HERMAN
Boo, hoo, hoo. Nobody lets me scare them any more. I’m so sad. Boo, hoo, hoo.
MISS JONES
(Walking up to Herman) I’m Miss Jones, the school teacher. What’s wrong, little hairy, scary monster?
HERMAN
I’m Herman, the scary monster and I’m sad because Susan and Tonya don’t love me anymore. Nobody loves me anymore. Nobody lets me scare them anymore.
MISS JONES
Why not, Herman?
HERMAN
They said they had to study their spelling words.
MISS JONES
That’s right. I did give them some spelling words to study. Cat. Rat. Cold. Hot.
HERMAN
They can’t play with me, now. They have to study their spelling words. Oh, boo, hoo, hoo. Oh catfish and canary gizzards. I’m soooo sad.
MISS JONES
Wait a minute, Herman. I have an idea. I think we can solve your problem.
HERMAN
(Hiccoughing)How?
MISS JONES
Would you like to come to school with me? I’ve never had a scary monster in my class before, but I’ll experiment if you’re willing.
HERMAN
I’ll try.
MISS JONES
Come at eight thirty tomorrow morning.
HERMAN
Thank you Miss Jones. You’re my teacher. (he gives her a kiss.) I’m sorry happy.
SCENE TWO
The scene opens in the first grade classroom. The background noise is of children talking and laughing.)
SUSAN
I learned all of my spelling words, did you?
TONYA
C A T, R A T, C O L D, H O T.
SUSAN
That’s good, Tonya. I can do mine too. Listen. CAT, RAT, COLD, HOT.
TONYA
You know your spelling words, too, Susan. We both should spell them all correctly.
SUSAN
I wonder what happened to Herman. He was crying last night when we left him. Don’t you think we should have let him scare us for awhile?
TONYA
We didn’t have time. It takes a long time to study spelling words.
SUSAN
I know, but I still felt sorry for Herman.
(Miss Jones walks into the classroom.)
MISS JONES
Good morning, boys and girls.
EVERYONE
Good morning, Miss Jones.
MISS JONES
We have a new pupil today.
EVERYONE
Who is it?
MISS JONES
His name is Herman, the scary monster.
HERMAN
(Peeks around the door of the classroom.) Hello everybody.
SUSAN
It’s Herman!
TONYA
I wonder if he’ll have to learn spelling words, too.
MISS JONES
Herman, you can sit here beside Susan and Tonya.
HERMAN
Yes, Miss Jones.
MISS JONES
Now it’s time for our spelling words, class.
EVERYONE
Oh, no!
MISS JONES
Susan, how do you spell cat?
SUSAN
C A T, cat.
MISS JONES
Very good, Susan. Amy, how do you spell rat?
AMY
R A T , rat.
MISS JONES
Good, Amy. Now we’ll try Herman, the scary monster. Herman, how do you spell hot?
HERMAN
Hot? Hmm, let me think. Hot. I’ll start out with an H.
MISS JONES
That’s right so far, Herman. Keep it up.
HERMAN
H and then I’ll put in an A. H A T, H A T. That’s how you spell hot.
EVERYONE
Everyone laughs at Herman
MISS JONES
No, I’m sorry, Herman, that’s wrong. Perhaps you can tell me how to spell rat.
HERMAN
Rat. Hmmm, rat. I’ll start out with an R.
MISS JONES
Yes, Herman, go on.
HERMAN
R O T. Rot spell rat.
MISS JONES
No, Herman I’m sorry, that’s wrong.
SUSAN
You get an F for today. (Everybody laughs)
TONYA
(Whispers to Herman.) You didn’t study, Herman. Do you want me to help you with your spelling words?
HERMAN
Would you help me? I would really like that.
TONYA
We’ll study spelling words tonight. We’ll show those kids that make fun of you what you can do.
HERMAN
Yeah, let’s show them. R A T spells rat.
MISS JONES
Class is dismissed until tomorrow. Herman, don’t forget to study your spelling words tonight.
HERMAN
Yes, Miss Jones.
MISS JONES
Goodnight, everyone.
(Herman, Susan, and Tonya walk home together.)
SUSAN
You need to study your spelling words, Herman. You didn’t get any of them right.
TONYA
He will if he studies them tonight.
HERMAN
I want to get my spelling words right. Even more than I want to be a scary monster.
SUSAN
Then, we’ll help you.
(They walk along, spelling CAT, RAT.
SCENE TWO
(Herman, Susan, and Tonya walk to school together)
HERMAN
I studied my spelling words all night. Do you know how to spell rat?
SUSAN
Tell me
TONYA
How do you spell rat?
HERMAN
Ratt, rat.
SUSAN
That’s not how to spell rat, Herman.
TONYA
We’re going to have to spend another night studying with you if you can’t spell rat better than that.
HERMAN
Rat. Ratte spells rat.
TONYA
No, Herman. Ratte does not spell rat. R A T spells rat.
HERMAN
R A T spells rat.
(He mutters R A T spells rat all of the rest of the way to school and into class.)
MISS JONES
Good morning boys and girls.
EVERYONE
Good morning, Miss Jones.
MISS JONES
The first thing we’re going to do this morning is our spelling words Herman, spell rat for me.
SUSAN
Oh, no!
TONYA
Keep your fingers crossed.
HERMAN
R A T spells rat.
MISS JONES
That’s right, Herman. Now spell cat.
HERMAN
That’s easy. C A T.
MISS JONES
Herman! You must have studied.
HERMAN
I studied a lot.
MISS JONES
One more word, Herman. Spell hot.
HERMAN
I think it begins with H, and then O and then T.
MISS JONES
You got all of your spelling words right, Herman. For that you deserve an A and I’ll give you one. (She reaches into a box and pulls out a cookie shaped like an A.
EVERYONE
Yah! Cookies!
MISS JONES
Whoever has a good spelling lesson gets one of these.
CHILDREN
Cat, rat, hot, cold.
MISS JONES
All right, let’s do it one at a time.
(Everyone spells CAT, RAT, HOT, COLD.)
MISS JONES
It’s been a busy day. Class dismissed. (Herman, Susan, and Tonya walk home together.)
SUSAN
That was a good day at school, Herman. We got cookies and you spelled all your words right. We don’t have to stay up tonight to study with you.
TONYA
You might even have time to scare us.
HERMAN
But I have to study tomorrow’s lesson. See, Do, Look, and At. Do you know all of them?
SUSAN
See, look, do, and At.
HERMAN
Ha, ha. You don’t know all your spelling words. No cookies tomorrow. I’ll have to study with you tonight.
TONYA
Scare us a little first, will you Herman?
HERMAN
Okay. Boo, BOO, BOOOOOOOOOO! I’m Herman, the scary monster. Monster.
M O N S T E R!!!!
SUSAN, TONYA, HERMAN
MONSTER! MONSTER!
EVERYONE
MONSTER! MONSTER! MONSTER!
(They chase Herman off the stage)
CURTAIN
SUSAN
First grade is going to be harder than kindergarten. We have to learn how to spell and read.
TONYA
What do we have to spell?
SUSAN
Cat and dog and tree and house
TONYA
Look and see and man and mouse.
SUSAN
Lots of spelling words.
TONYA
We won’t have time to play with Herman any more.
SUSAN
Or pretend we’re afraid of him.
TONYA
He should be coming right now to scare us.
SUSAN
Herman, where are you?
(Herman the Scary monster jumps out and hollers boo. He is dressed like a scary monster.)
SUSAN
Ohhhhh, it’s Herman the scary monster. I’m scared! (She hides behind Tonya.)
HERMAN
Boo! (He stands in front of Tonya and jumps up and down, acting scary.)
TONYA
Go away, Herman! I don’t have time to be scared. I have to go home and study my spelling words. (Herman stops jumping and scratches his head)
HERMAN
Huh? What are spelling words?
SUSAN
Words like cat and rat and cold and hot.
TONYA
We have to learn how to spell them by tomorrow, Herman, so we don’t have time to be scared.
SUSAN
Sorry, Herman. (They turn and walk away, leaving Herman standing there scratching his head.)
HERMAN
Huh? Can’t play? Oh, boo, hoo, hoo, please come back and play with me. (He watches them go, crying.)
HERMAN
Boo, hoo, hoo. Nobody lets me scare them any more. I’m so sad. Boo, hoo, hoo.
MISS JONES
(Walking up to Herman) I’m Miss Jones, the school teacher. What’s wrong, little hairy, scary monster?
HERMAN
I’m Herman, the scary monster and I’m sad because Susan and Tonya don’t love me anymore. Nobody loves me anymore. Nobody lets me scare them anymore.
MISS JONES
Why not, Herman?
HERMAN
They said they had to study their spelling words.
MISS JONES
That’s right. I did give them some spelling words to study. Cat. Rat. Cold. Hot.
HERMAN
They can’t play with me, now. They have to study their spelling words. Oh, boo, hoo, hoo. Oh catfish and canary gizzards. I’m soooo sad.
MISS JONES
Wait a minute, Herman. I have an idea. I think we can solve your problem.
HERMAN
(Hiccoughing)How?
MISS JONES
Would you like to come to school with me? I’ve never had a scary monster in my class before, but I’ll experiment if you’re willing.
HERMAN
I’ll try.
MISS JONES
Come at eight thirty tomorrow morning.
HERMAN
Thank you Miss Jones. You’re my teacher. (he gives her a kiss.) I’m sorry happy.
SCENE TWO
The scene opens in the first grade classroom. The background noise is of children talking and laughing.)
SUSAN
I learned all of my spelling words, did you?
TONYA
C A T, R A T, C O L D, H O T.
SUSAN
That’s good, Tonya. I can do mine too. Listen. CAT, RAT, COLD, HOT.
TONYA
You know your spelling words, too, Susan. We both should spell them all correctly.
SUSAN
I wonder what happened to Herman. He was crying last night when we left him. Don’t you think we should have let him scare us for awhile?
TONYA
We didn’t have time. It takes a long time to study spelling words.
SUSAN
I know, but I still felt sorry for Herman.
(Miss Jones walks into the classroom.)
MISS JONES
Good morning, boys and girls.
EVERYONE
Good morning, Miss Jones.
MISS JONES
We have a new pupil today.
EVERYONE
Who is it?
MISS JONES
His name is Herman, the scary monster.
HERMAN
(Peeks around the door of the classroom.) Hello everybody.
SUSAN
It’s Herman!
TONYA
I wonder if he’ll have to learn spelling words, too.
MISS JONES
Herman, you can sit here beside Susan and Tonya.
HERMAN
Yes, Miss Jones.
MISS JONES
Now it’s time for our spelling words, class.
EVERYONE
Oh, no!
MISS JONES
Susan, how do you spell cat?
SUSAN
C A T, cat.
MISS JONES
Very good, Susan. Amy, how do you spell rat?
AMY
R A T , rat.
MISS JONES
Good, Amy. Now we’ll try Herman, the scary monster. Herman, how do you spell hot?
HERMAN
Hot? Hmm, let me think. Hot. I’ll start out with an H.
MISS JONES
That’s right so far, Herman. Keep it up.
HERMAN
H and then I’ll put in an A. H A T, H A T. That’s how you spell hot.
EVERYONE
Everyone laughs at Herman
MISS JONES
No, I’m sorry, Herman, that’s wrong. Perhaps you can tell me how to spell rat.
HERMAN
Rat. Hmmm, rat. I’ll start out with an R.
MISS JONES
Yes, Herman, go on.
HERMAN
R O T. Rot spell rat.
MISS JONES
No, Herman I’m sorry, that’s wrong.
SUSAN
You get an F for today. (Everybody laughs)
TONYA
(Whispers to Herman.) You didn’t study, Herman. Do you want me to help you with your spelling words?
HERMAN
Would you help me? I would really like that.
TONYA
We’ll study spelling words tonight. We’ll show those kids that make fun of you what you can do.
HERMAN
Yeah, let’s show them. R A T spells rat.
MISS JONES
Class is dismissed until tomorrow. Herman, don’t forget to study your spelling words tonight.
HERMAN
Yes, Miss Jones.
MISS JONES
Goodnight, everyone.
(Herman, Susan, and Tonya walk home together.)
SUSAN
You need to study your spelling words, Herman. You didn’t get any of them right.
TONYA
He will if he studies them tonight.
HERMAN
I want to get my spelling words right. Even more than I want to be a scary monster.
SUSAN
Then, we’ll help you.
(They walk along, spelling CAT, RAT.
SCENE TWO
(Herman, Susan, and Tonya walk to school together)
HERMAN
I studied my spelling words all night. Do you know how to spell rat?
SUSAN
Tell me
TONYA
How do you spell rat?
HERMAN
Ratt, rat.
SUSAN
That’s not how to spell rat, Herman.
TONYA
We’re going to have to spend another night studying with you if you can’t spell rat better than that.
HERMAN
Rat. Ratte spells rat.
TONYA
No, Herman. Ratte does not spell rat. R A T spells rat.
HERMAN
R A T spells rat.
(He mutters R A T spells rat all of the rest of the way to school and into class.)
MISS JONES
Good morning boys and girls.
EVERYONE
Good morning, Miss Jones.
MISS JONES
The first thing we’re going to do this morning is our spelling words Herman, spell rat for me.
SUSAN
Oh, no!
TONYA
Keep your fingers crossed.
HERMAN
R A T spells rat.
MISS JONES
That’s right, Herman. Now spell cat.
HERMAN
That’s easy. C A T.
MISS JONES
Herman! You must have studied.
HERMAN
I studied a lot.
MISS JONES
One more word, Herman. Spell hot.
HERMAN
I think it begins with H, and then O and then T.
MISS JONES
You got all of your spelling words right, Herman. For that you deserve an A and I’ll give you one. (She reaches into a box and pulls out a cookie shaped like an A.
EVERYONE
Yah! Cookies!
MISS JONES
Whoever has a good spelling lesson gets one of these.
CHILDREN
Cat, rat, hot, cold.
MISS JONES
All right, let’s do it one at a time.
(Everyone spells CAT, RAT, HOT, COLD.)
MISS JONES
It’s been a busy day. Class dismissed. (Herman, Susan, and Tonya walk home together.)
SUSAN
That was a good day at school, Herman. We got cookies and you spelled all your words right. We don’t have to stay up tonight to study with you.
TONYA
You might even have time to scare us.
HERMAN
But I have to study tomorrow’s lesson. See, Do, Look, and At. Do you know all of them?
SUSAN
See, look, do, and At.
HERMAN
Ha, ha. You don’t know all your spelling words. No cookies tomorrow. I’ll have to study with you tonight.
TONYA
Scare us a little first, will you Herman?
HERMAN
Okay. Boo, BOO, BOOOOOOOOOO! I’m Herman, the scary monster. Monster.
M O N S T E R!!!!
SUSAN, TONYA, HERMAN
MONSTER! MONSTER!
EVERYONE
MONSTER! MONSTER! MONSTER!
(They chase Herman off the stage)
CURTAIN